I have been doing a lot of reflecting lately on all of my life, and all of the choices that have led me to who I am today.
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I got this shirt 3 years ago, when I put it on today I was reminded of the experience that I had when I got it. I was also reminded of the shell of a person that I once was.
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It was at a @patriottourusa event. To the very least it was absolutely a life changing experience for me. At that time, I questioned if I had any faith in God left in me. That he even knew who I was or that I existed.
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I had just finally filed for divorce and made the choice to move out and move on to better things with my life. While I was taking a huge leap at becoming better and happier, I still had so much work to do. I had truly let my life slide right down a very destructive and dark path.
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My Uncle really thought I could use some insight and a little bit of perspective in life, and took me to this event. Man did I get just what I was searching for!!
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At that event I met Taya Kyle, wife of Chris Kyle, who are both true heroes in my eyes.
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For those that don’t know, Chris was a United States Navy Seal veteran and sniper. He served four tours in the Iraq war and was awarded several time for heroism and service to our country. He was given one silver star metal, four bronze stars, and several other prestigious awards including a Navy and Marine Corps Achievement Medal and several other unit and personal achievement awards.
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He was honorably discharged from the Navy in 2009. He wrote an autobiography about his time of service called “American Sniper”. It was also the basis for the movie that was made in 2014.
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However Chris was sadly murdered by a former marine, Eddie Ray Routh. Chris was helping this man at the time with serious issues with PTSD.
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On the tour Taya talks about her life with Chris, their love, his service to our country, how it effected their marriage, his death, and how she continues on each day without him.
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Taya Kyle @tayakyle is an amazing example to me. She is not only beautiful but strong, brave, fierce and compassionate beyond measure.
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She is a shining example of how to overcome and keep on going after hardship, and loss. She has allowed her faith to be far stronger than any of her very worst fears.
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One of her recent Facebook posts was more than helpful to me to keep moving and keep pushing forward.
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She says;
“ We are better, stronger, more capable and more lovable than we think.”
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“Take it from me, the things that will likely take the rug out from under us are things we could never have predicted anyway. Fear won’t prepare us or make it any better. The lie is telling ourselves that fear will protect us from pain. It will not. Fear does NOT save. It steals. I will have pain. You will have pain. We will both get through it. Believe that. It’s true.”
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Fear truly can take so many things from us. It has been in the way many times in my life.
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For me, fear left me stuck in a very destructive marriage. The fear of being alone, outweighed my desire to have a healthy happy relationship with myself and anyone else. I feared having no support and raising four small children all alone.
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I continued to settle for far less than my children and I deserved for a long time. I was left feeling unwanted and unworthy of anyone else ever loving me. Fear kept me stuck. Fear kept me enabling the destructive and abusive patterns that I was living in. I allowed myself to settle for tiny pieces of a life. For empty, broken promises of change and something better, that never happened. Fear allowed me to keep handing out the excuses and reasons of why he was “allowed” to treat me the way he did. It had me believing that I was not worthy of a husband that was honest, faithful, or true to his word. I truly believed that I was not worthy or deserving of any more than the so-called life I was living.
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Fear kept me right where Satan wanted me to be, lifeless, empty, and alone. It kept me from seeing all the blessings, hope, and great new possibilities for change and happiness. It kept me from fighting for something better. It kept me from being a positive, and brave example to my children. I had lost all hope and desire to find true lasting happiness.
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Fear kept me both mentally and physically drained. I did very little for myself. I only did what I had to do, to get through each passing day. I was mentally, emotionally and physically drained and damaged.
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I did not like the person that I saw when I looked in the mirror. I did not like the way that my life was, but I was far too scared to take the steps to change it.
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Then something magical happened. Through a lot of soul searching, pleading with my Heavenly Father, and a few very amazing friends; my faith slowly, but steadily began to strengthen. I started to believe in myself again.
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Things started to change. Not over night however, but over three long years of fighting for that change. Fighting to renew the faith that I once had. The faith in myself, others; and especially Heavenly Father, our Savior and the atonement.
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Faith gave me the power to end the nasty abusive, and self destructive cycle that I was in. It pushed me forward, and gave me the ability to see the future, and myself differently. It gave me the power to believe that there were far better things ahead.
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I’ve still slipped back into that scared, and powerless way of thinking quite a few times. It truly takes a lot of hard work and perseverance to come out of destructive cycles. It takes a lot of FAITH to keep going, and stay on the uphill path that leads to so much happiness.
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Fear leaves you stagnant. It can paralyze us. It will sabotage and ruin all the things we’ve ever wanted, and are working for. It keeps you from progressing and moving forward in life.
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FEAR PUSHES US TO QUIT!!
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Fear is the exact opposite of faith. It ruins any belief that things will get better. It takes away hope and strength to keep moving forward.
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“Faith is the antidote for fear”.
-Russell M. Nelson
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In the past 3 years, my faith has been tried, tested, and literally almost dissolved. Some of it has been by my very own choices. Also, some of it has been because of the agency of others, and many things out of my control.
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I’m blessed beyond measure that I chose to start exercising my own faith. That I got out of my own way, humbled myself, and allowed Heavenly Father, our Savior, and the atonement to work in my life.
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I’m incredibly grateful and blessed that I have had many people reaching out and helping me along this way. I have been surrounded by shining examples of faith in our lord and savior Jesus Christ. Faith that, in due time, and by submitting ourselves to his will; we can and will have eternal lasting happiness.
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Never quit!! Trust in the lord and his plan. Just keep going and growing. Don’t ever let your fear be greater than your faith!!
This Little Farmhouse 